We are at a Gathering this weekend. There is an intensity here that I haven’t seen in awhile and yet I sit near the back and mostly observe.
People are letting their passion for Jesus show. I see it through expressions of pure joy on an upturned face. I hear it in groaning as prayers are offered up. I feel it in the vibration of the benches as feet stomp and hands clap.
I envy that depth of emotion. I am realizing that my emotional system has become rather shallow. Self-protective. Not willing to experience the full breadth of emotion that is the human experience.
It wasn’t always like this for me.
Perhaps you will understand if you have lived with a volatile person for a lengthy period of time or experienced trauma or have had hope deferred for awhile.
I laugh a little, cry a little, get mad a little, experience anxiety a little (but often). But I know there is a fuller range of experience than what my system will allow at present.
I am not sure how to go about reclaiming that range but this weekend had me wanting to figure that out.
I want to feel deeply again.