When the words are washed away…

washed away

This morning I come with my head hanging low.

I am disappointed.

Discouraged.

My hope and desire was that this series would be a light in the darkness for everyone who reads it. I was so inspired.

I have outlines.

I have notes for every post.

I have pictures.

And the words WILL. NOT. COME.

It isn’t that I haven’t tried. The hours that I spend driving I work out my thoughts, talk to my husband and the clarity is there and the theology is good and when I get back here. BAM. Nothing makes sense. My words look like a box of those fridge magnets. Jumbled. Stuck.

Maybe because these stories, these disappointments and desires that I want to discuss…they’re mine.

They are the disappointments that I’ve had. It took no time at all to come up with 31 of them.

Some are big and some are little.

There is deep pain in my stories.

And maybe some shame that still lingers.

So I’m going to sit on the bench with Jesus for a day or two and allow Him some room to walk me through this stuff so that I’m better able to share it with you. I don’t want to be a fake, I want to give you the real stuff here and it looks like it is going to be more real than I had anticipated.

I want there to be a beacon of hope and maybe it hasn’t been fully formed yet. So I will be still and wait for Him, because in repentance and rest is my salvation.

In the meantime please go visit my IRL friend Carol over at Song of Joy. She is writing on shame and she has alot of good things to say. We’re going to team up next week sometime and try to do a video about how these two topics link, I’m looking forward to that.

I hate being a disappointment.

Will you pray with me that God helps me work this all out. This was NOT part of my script.

About Lani

With six kids, a farm, a ministry and dreams poking out in every direction I need plenty of grace to keep all the balls in the air. The sweet thing is that when I drop them, that crazy grace of God is there telling me I'm still okay...and you are, too...welcome to this place of grace.

2 Responses to When the words are washed away…

  1. Carol Tebay October 3, 2015 at 11:29 pm #

    I hear you say “I hate being a disappointment” and my heart is filled with compassion and grace. You are NOT a disappointment. If it means time spent sitting with Jesus to sort through…well there is grace for that. No disappointment from your God. Only grace.
    Carol Tebay recently posted…What is Shame?My Profile

  2. Harmony Moore October 6, 2015 at 9:59 pm #

    These words:

    “There is deep pain in my stories.

    And maybe some shame that still lingers.

    So I’m going to sit on the bench with Jesus for a day or two and allow Him some room to walk me through this stuff…”

    I haven’t read past this post yet but when I read these words I thought, “oh! I want to read more of what she has to say!”

    Thank you for writing even though you didn’t feel like it. 🙂

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