The Night the Flame Went Out

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As a married woman I was still crushed by fear which made me feel ashamed and childish. I’d been a Christian all my life, I knew about the armour of God, I knew about prayer and yet, I was still afraid.

There were many nights where I had to call my husband in while I was brushing my teeth to ‘guard’ my back.

I had learned many verses that helped me squeeze through the hardest moments.

Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?


Isaiah 52:12

But you will not leave in haste
or go in flight;
for the Lord will go before you,
the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

I clung to those verses as a lifeline and would repeat them over and over as I brushed my teeth or if I had to walk down a dark hallway or descend to the basement by myself.

Irrational? Yes! Real fear? Yes!

I desperately wanted to be free from this but couldn’t see a way out.

One night my husband and I were out on a date and found ourselves at a meeting with a fellow who was speaking out prophetic words and praying for people. We went forward for prayer and the man prophesied over me that the enemy had shot and arrow into me and kept wiggling it but that I would know the exact moment when I was free from that fiery arrow. I knew exactly what he was talking about and so did Kelly, I was so hopeful.

It wasn’t long after that Satan wiggled that arrow in a big way. Kelly was in bed and I was bravely brushing my teeth by myself in our tiny bathroom when fear crashed down on me. I ran to our bedroom and jumped onto the bed trembling with fear. I could not stop shaking. Kelly started praying over me but nothing was shaking the fear off. He decided it was time to call our pastor and walked me out of our bedroom and to the kitchen where the phone was. He was NOT leaving me alone.

The fear ratcheted up several notches as I could ‘feel’ eyes at the window watching me. I have never been so terrified in all my life.

He got the pastor on the phone and the two of them started praying over me intensely for a very long time. The trembling finally stopped and I was able to go to bed.

That night I had a dream like many other dreams – someone chasing me, fearing for my life – but this time something different happened. This time, in the dream, I faced my enemy and I was able to defeat him. I woke up knowing what had happened. God’s grace had flowed into my dreams and allowed me to conquer my fear face to face – I had destroyed it! This was the exact moment of my freedom.

Just as that man prophesied I was free from the fiery dart of irrational fear and I have never had it bother me again and I praise God for this freedom.

It isn’t like Satan never tries to push me over the edge and get a toehold, he tries. Every time Kelly is later than he should be I am tempted to give way to horrific thoughts and worst-case scenarios but as soon as I realize what is happening I can put a stop to it…with God’s grace…His power working in me to keep me in perfect peace.

Unfortunately, fear wasn’t the only problem that stayed with me into adulthood, there were more sinister traps that the enemy had waiting for me as a child…

This is part 3 of my story:

part 1 – The beginning of grace

part 2 – Monsters in My Closet

About Lani

With six kids, a farm, a ministry and dreams poking out in every direction I need plenty of grace to keep all the balls in the air. The sweet thing is that when I drop them, that crazy grace of God is there telling me I'm still okay...and you are, too...welcome to this place of grace.

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