After I signed off last week I totally reclaimed my house!
Cleaned it and felt good at the end of the day. All the Christmas stuff is packed away minus a few snowmen that get to stay out until the white stuff melts. Frosty is a good friend and I can’t send him off too quickly!
How do you go about reclaiming your life?
Schedules are relentless. Even though my personal schedule involves very little, the juggling of where the other eight bodies need to be at any given time can wear you out.
I have to keep telling myself that this too shall pass. It won’t always be like this. Hurry and scurry and practice and ‘motivate’, keep up with the chores schedule and everyone in clean clothes and food in their bellies.
My oldest will most likely move out in a few months, at which point I will be minus a driver. However, there’s a 16 year old that could go for his license and the 14 year old will go for driver’s training later this year and before you know it they will all be gone.
In the meantime I need to remember who I am.
I have given much of myself and many years over to a diaper pail, breast feeding, toilet training, educating, driving, mentoring, teaching, parenting and all that goes with this blessing called kids. None of which I regret. But things are beginning to shift. While they still need their mother, there is a shift in HOW they need me. It is different than those earlier parenting years and no less difficult or demanding. It requires different parts of me.
The good news is that I can sense that there are changes happening deep beneath this outer shell. I can feel the warm winds of spring starting to gently caress the frozen, wintery places in my soul. On Sunday I wanted to sing along. I felt some stirrings of joy.
Anxiety threatened Monday morning and today.
And I need to remember that God is bigger than this and He isn’t actually expecting me to be wonder woman. He knows I can’t do this thing by myself.
I hate it when I don’t know how things will turn out and yet I move forward.
Perhaps that’s why I love quilting. You have a plan, a beautiful pattern to go off. You can picture the end result and it is glorious. But you have to cut into that fabric. Shape it and put it back together according to the pattern. It doesn’t always go the way the pattern says it should. So you have to ‘un-sew’. And try again…and maybe again. You may decide to abandon the project for awhile for various reasons;
– you realize the project is beyond your skill level
– you’re frustrated and you might do more harm than good
– you’re thinking you’ve wrecked the project and it is beyond hope
– you’re simply tired and it all feels overwhelming
These are all valid reasons for stopping for awhile.
The hard part is starting again but it needs to happen.
Dust it off, shake it out and take another good, hard look.
Sometimes distance is what is needed to get back on track.
Finishing something you’ve started is a pretty fabulous feeling. Yet sometimes there are projects that aren’t salvageable, they need to just hit the trash or be passed on to someone else with a different vision. Wisdom is knowing where you are at and what needs to be done.
So here I am, shaking out a few things. Dusting off and discerning what to do with some of my ‘projects’. This is the part where parenting differs from quilting. There is no handing it over to someone else or tossing it aside. It is a ‘project’ that is here to stay until my dying breath. It’s a good thing there is a big God hanging out with me.
The other stuff…that is all in need of discernment. We’ve let a lot of things go in order to get some breathing room. Now we are discerning which things stay, which should come back online after resting for awhile. We appreciate your prayers as we take a good look at the quilt that is our life and determine where the pieces fit or if they do at all.
I will let you know how it goes!