reclaiming emotions

We are at a Gathering this weekend.  There is an intensity here that I haven’t seen in awhile and yet I sit near the back and mostly observe.

People are letting their passion for Jesus show.  I see it through expressions of pure joy on an upturned face. I hear it in groaning as prayers are offered up. I feel it in the vibration of the benches as feet stomp and hands clap.

I envy that depth of emotion.  I am realizing that my emotional system has become rather shallow. Self-protective. Not willing to experience the full breadth of emotion that is the human experience.

It wasn’t always like this for me.

Perhaps you will understand if you have lived with a volatile person for a lengthy period of time or experienced trauma or have had hope deferred for awhile.

I laugh a little,  cry a little,  get mad a little, experience anxiety a little (but often). But I know there is a fuller range of experience than what my system will allow at present.

I am not sure how to go about reclaiming that range but this weekend had me wanting to figure that out.

I want to feel deeply again.

About Lani

With six kids, a farm, a ministry and dreams poking out in every direction I need plenty of grace to keep all the balls in the air. The sweet thing is that when I drop them, that crazy grace of God is there telling me I'm still okay...and you are, too...welcome to this place of grace.


One Response to reclaiming emotions

  1. Nancy Smith August 24, 2015 at 8:24 am #

    Lani, This, too, shall pass. For me it was a season, in a way a protection from the intensity that the situation presented emotionally. I would find myself most often either apathetic or extremely irritated with everything. Trust your emotions to God, He will orchestrate what is needed dear one!

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