The question running through my heart today is this…
Will I be enough?
Tomorrow we are going to provide door-to-door valet service for our son from Winnipeg hospital to a Saskatoon hospital. We will be responsible for his care and ensuring that he gets his medications and that we don’t do any further damage to him while on route.
Then, after that, this little cocoon we’ve been enjoying is going to break wide open and all the regularity of life and family and responsibility will tumble back in ALONG with having a son in the hospital for who knows how long and after that care at home for another period of time that doesn’t have boundaries at this point.
In my tired state of mind I am not sure that I am up to the task.
In fact, I know I’m not.
And I don’t want to be the crazy lady screaming at her kiddos who don’t deserve that kind of mama.
I want to be brave and strong and handle it all with grace and kindness.
This would be one of those times when I need to hold on to the truth that HE IS ENOUGH.
I want to be like that teapot, fragile and beautiful pouring out warmth and comfort.
I found this little plaque in the gift shop today and it felt like it was the thing that I’ve been learning all through this week.
We keep looking for the good things, the things to be thankful for and gratitude for all God’s goodness rises to the top and makes us stronger. It would be easy to mope and complain and look at the mess of all of this. We, along with Josiah will have to grieve the losses that are inevitable from such a thing, but we don’t know exactly what they are yet. Certainly a loss of time and experiences with his school buddies while he recovers.
He knows the loss of dignity as he has been poked and prodded and invaded in all of those places where you’d rather not have people invade.
So we pray that we will grieve enough and are strong enough and know that He is enough, for all of this.
My husband is reading over my shoulder and begins to sing Chris Tomlin’s song, “All of you is more than enough for all of me…”
So I head home with a little trepidation, into a new normal, even if just for a season.