Birthing Me…

I am having contractions.

I am squeezed and tight and I can hardly breathe.

I should have known it was coming, there have been little contractions that I haven’t taken much notice of but this, this is the real deal, I can tell.

Which means only one thing.

The pain and trauma and joy of delivery are just around the corner.

I’ve not been in the habit of using pain relievers in the past and this time will be no different. I know I will get through it. The pain will be outweighed by the joy on the other side of delivery. That does not mean I am looking forward to it.

His voice, the one who started all of this, has been loud in my ear;
“You are art!” – Emily P. Freeman (A Million Little Ways)
“You are a star and stars are made to shine.” – Ann Voskamp
“Write from the truest you.” Lisa Whittle
“Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” Oscar Wilde
“If we can find out who we are and not be scared of who we find, then we will truly find ourselves and can write out of that unique and distinct place.” – Sarah Markley

He has placed His holy seed in me. He is birthing something and I think it might be me.

I am in awe and wonder.
I am uncomfortable and nervous.
I wonder what I will look like when I finally meet me.
When did I see my feet last?

I am praying that I will love her, that I will quit being afraid.

But this I know.

1. When I emerge and meet myself I will bear more fully the image and stamp of the One who thought me up. He has been waiting for this moment.
2. He is more than enough for my inadequacy.
3. He is preparing me in this womb of His, on the inside of His creative self, to birth me into more of what He has designed me to be.
4. He wants me free from that which has entangled me.
5. He wants me to free others.
6. He is generous and wants me to be generous with who I am and what I have.

The process will be painful and I may just be screaming and crying through the emerging.

I am convinced, however, that it will be worth it…it always has been worth it before, this birthing of beauty.

And I am in awe of this way of crawling back inside and re-emerging as more of who I really am is as sure and steady as the dawn is coming.

And I know..
In and through and after the process of this birthing I will be held by my proud Papa and rejoiced over, whether I ‘get it’ or not.

And I will keep drawing deep breaths of Him into my lungs and breathe out grace and I will shine.

(first thots from Allume – real light living)

About Lani

With six kids, a farm, a ministry and dreams poking out in every direction I need plenty of grace to keep all the balls in the air. The sweet thing is that when I drop them, that crazy grace of God is there telling me I'm still okay...and you are, too...welcome to this place of grace.

, ,

12 Responses to Birthing Me…

  1. Kristin Smith October 27, 2013 at 7:33 pm #

    It was SOOOO good to finally squeeze your neck in person. You are a beauty and I am blessed to know you! And Karlena LOVED LOVED her “Dollie”!! Thank you!
    Kristin Smith recently posted…Five Minute Friday – TOGETHER – Allume StyleMy Profile

    • Lani October 28, 2013 at 3:35 pm #

      I’m so glad!! Thanks for trusting me to make her! It was so good to finally meet you! ๐Ÿ™‚
      Lani recently posted…Birthing Me…My Profile

  2. Melissa Aldrich October 27, 2013 at 7:39 pm #

    What a perfect metaphor as we bear down to push while holding the Saviors hand. I feel completely wrecked and totally new.
    Melissa Aldrich recently posted…Day 26: When Youโ€™re ChangedMy Profile

  3. Marcy October 27, 2013 at 8:26 pm #

    Sounds like me without the Allume part! I so wish I could have been there. What an incredible time you must have had. I too feel as if I am in a birthing process of sorts. Why does it have to be in our forties though? I guess we just aren’t ready before then? Better late than never. I am excited to see how God works in and through your birthing. Blessings, friend.
    Marcy recently posted…Happy Birthday, Mrs. Fix It!My Profile

    • Lani October 28, 2013 at 3:34 pm #

      I would so love to have you come…join in the community…feel the love, get refreshed and be part of the song! You are emerging beautifully! ๐Ÿ™‚
      Lani recently posted…Birthing Me…My Profile

  4. Kim October 28, 2013 at 4:04 am #

    What an appropriate metaphor and a sweet story! It was so wonderful to finally meet you in real life!
    Kim recently posted…Mrs. McJudgy Pants goes to AllumeMy Profile

    • Lani October 28, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

      likewise! Thanks for hanging out with me!
      Lani recently posted…Birthing Me…My Profile

  5. Logan October 28, 2013 at 9:47 am #

    I love this metaphor! It does feel that way…birthing of new things that the Lord is doing!!! Thank you so so much for sharing this! I feel humbled to have been a part of creating the space for the Lord to move in this way! Heaps of Blessings on you, Logan

    • Lani October 28, 2013 at 3:32 pm #

      I guess that would make you a midwife!! You did a great job of letting the Lord flow through!
      Lani recently posted…Birthing Me…My Profile

  6. Christine Wright October 29, 2013 at 12:18 pm #

    Exciting!! can’t wait to see all that’s to come! So nice to finally meet you, friend!!

  7. Mandy October 31, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

    Love, love, love! I agree, this is a wonderful metaphor. Thanks for being my travel buddy and blessing me so much, especially in those early initial hours of Allume before I had my footing! Xoxo
    Mandy recently posted…Things I Learned in OctoberMy Profile

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge